When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
