the new term for farting is butt boxing.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
