What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We had to coat check the pizza.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
