You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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