I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
it's like heaven, but drunker
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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