Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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