no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
