i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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