Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
