Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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