we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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