Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
