its not stalking. its research.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
