I wish I could teleport
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.