just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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