Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots