I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen