there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
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