I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
