this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
