I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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