He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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