i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
