he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You did what with his pubic hair?
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