Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
