apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
