My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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