win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
