I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
