I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
