Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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