i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
