I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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