My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
