My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
