You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
