she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
