My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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