Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
