shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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