This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
