You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
