I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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