he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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