I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Everclear isn't food dammit
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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