So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
