They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
True strength comes from lack of pants
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
