oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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