Tell her she can't have a vagina
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
