I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
