i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
