I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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