He had one of those small greek statue penises
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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