I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
