Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It was confusing and full of hummus
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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