Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
