Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize