I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
