She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
