started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
