I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
