Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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