your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
