Buhtt sex?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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