she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just pee around me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
