Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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