you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
