Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
