I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
