I'm lost and stupid without you.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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