my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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