Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
