Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You are the jesus of drinking
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
