What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
