i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
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Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
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Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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